he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are the jesus of drinking
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
