I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
