Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
