totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
