Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
