i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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