I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
