She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
