Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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