have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
