My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
