I didn't shave. On purpose
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
