Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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