sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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