someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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