U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
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It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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