**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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