Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Randomize