Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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