Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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