Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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