I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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