were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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