he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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