Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
only you would photoshop your dick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
