how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
