I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
