Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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