Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
