Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
