I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
