it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
