her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.