His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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