..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dicks are not precious.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.