I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
