I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.