would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.