Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime