Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
