If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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