Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
