You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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