o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
bring money and cleavage
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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