is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
