Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I love you.
Bad choice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize