Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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