she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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