i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
