I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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