You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
