you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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