Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
