sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
