Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
