He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
