they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
