My brain says no but my pants say off.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
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Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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