Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
