There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
