his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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