I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
