I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
