Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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