whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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