they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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