So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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