its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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