For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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